I’m being drowned by some kind of black wave…

How did we get back to this?

I greeted the depression like an old family friend. I’ve been here before. Many of times. It’s about waiting for the storm to pass, trying to hold on to glimpses of positivity. However small they may seem. I almost feel like I should be use to all this. Years of cycling to each extreme but nothing has prepared me for this.

This tsunami black wave trying steal everything I’ve ever worked for. Depression etched itself into my life and has taken over. Depression jealous of the few remaining relationships I have left. Friendships dwindling. Not many stuck around.  They say no one will love you until you love yourself, which is absolutely terrifying.  Everyone is bored of this. One day enough was enough, I had pushed them away that last time, they walked away and never looked back, not even a second glance over their shoulder. I don’t blame them-  I’ve had enough too but I don’t get to turn my back on all this. This is my life, no matter how fast I run, it wins. In all honesty I’m not pleasant to be around, I’m on edge, the smallest thing will make me flip and lose my sanity.

It’s a life of an unmanageable whirlwind of emotions. Different medication, increased doseage of others, but were still not moving forward. 1 forward 1000 back. My days are made up of appointments and phone calls from my mental health team, but in all honesty I think there unsure on what to put in place. That’s the frightening part when no one knows what to do or how to help.

I feel like I’m being drowned by a black wave.

0 energy

0 motivation

0 hope

 

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